Stuff

Its been a couple days.
You don't care, no one really reads this.
Anyway, both job interviews went really well. The bakery was part time and the music store turned out to be full time, starting over minimum wage, but there were almost entirely inflexible about taking days off. I don't understand how and why every single employee has to work every single day (minus their one day off) except holidays. They idea of one of the employees taking a long weekend, obviously not paid, seemed like a total foreign concept, which I think is crap. Really? No one could possibly work those shifts while I'm gone? After you've worked there 1 year you get 1 week paid vacation and after 2 years, 2 weeks, but I'm not waiting that long.
So I went with the bakery and the pizza place. It'll be a more complicated schedule, but at least a more flexible one.
I started at the bakery on Thursday, and it was alright...lots and lots of dish washing. I did get to make a batch of cream cheese frosting though, that was cool, even though I ended up accidently exploding some powdered sugar all over me.
The only shitty part I've come across is that all of her other employees, besides her assistant manager, are in high school or have just graduated from high school, especially the two potential girls I'd be closing with on a regular basis. They both knew it was my first day, and I didn't know anything, and they absolutely, 100% did not train me, or attempt to help me. They wouldn't tell me anything that needed to get done unless I asked them what I could do, and then they would just tell me a random task without showing me how to do it. I ended up washing a ton of dishes I apparently didn't need to do, and they just watched me struggle with stuff without offering to help.
I don't fucking get that. How the fuck does it not connect in your brain "oh, new person, they won't know the way things work around here cause its their first day. I was that person once and I remember what it was like to be trained, so I'll help train them. This would also directly benefit me cause I'm going to be working with them and I don't want to be here an hour and a half after close every night because they don't know what needs to get done."
I mean, come one, even if this was your first job, you still had to be trained in it. And you're a bloody human being, how do you not offer to help someone when you see that they don't know whats going on? Maybe they're robots.
I also finally told my ex that I'm going to New York to see John, and it went well. It was prefaced by at least an hour of sad conversation outside of WonderRoot last night, but it did end on a fairly high note I guess.
It really sucks, because its not that he's that bad, he's just not right enough.
That sounds bad. What I mean is he still has a lot of great things about him, way more good than bad, but the bad things, like making me feel like shit about myself, and never thinking putting my life or career above his would be an option in our relationship, finally made me realize that this probably wouldn't work.
More accurately it made me realize I should stop stunting myself so I could make it work.
I think there is always that chance that he'll grow up a little more, and he knows why I'm leaving and he thinks I'm totally justified, and he says he'd like to change. So maybe one day it could actually work.
It was kinda weird, but when I left, that "listen to your heart" song came on the radio. I don't think I've heard that on the radio in years. And obviously it made me think. But listening to your heart is one of the most important lessons I learned when we first split up last fall- if your heart is telling you something about how you feel, you can't use your head to talk yourself out of it. Cause then you make bad choices that make you and everyone around you very unhappy.
So I really tried to work out what I was feeling, but since this time I actually tried to make things work and figure out what I want and what I need, I really feel like I'm making the right choice to try being with someone else now.
It still hurts me to hurt him, but I know we'll both end up being ok.
It definitely sucks though.
It also sucks that I still haven't heard from the bakery about when they want me to work, so I can't tell the pizza place tonight what I'm able to work next week.
I really don't want to piss either of them off, cause I basically need both of them.
So basically, life is just a little obnoxious right now, but I guess its all good problems to be having so I shouldn't let it bother me that much.
Also I go to New York the day after tomorrow =)