Hooray For Friends. Always.

Today is Lars's birthday! Finally!

I got her some mustaches and a shot glass with a french horn on it that says "this blows", or something like that haha.

Every place I went was out of those "Coexist" bumper stickers =/ I will have to return to l5P some time next week and re-cherche. 

My crazy aunt Sue came in yesterday on her way back from Hawaii. She brought me a lei she made herself and some Kona coffee, which is basically the best. So I was happy. 

Had to take this bullshit state required end of course test for Econ yesterday, which is designed so complete dumbasses can pass. So what they gave us 2 hours to do took me only 40 minutes. 

After that, went to l5p to get Lars's pressies, and yep, that's that. 

Hmm. I'm trying to think if I did anything Monday night after I wrote last...I tried to buy the new Silversun Pickups CD, but Best Buy didn't have it...I went to work...Stephanie bought us all Chinese food...so I guess I can't hate her as much now...

I guess that's all. 

That's ridiculous, I don't believe it. 

Umm...

I've been nondepressed though, thats major fantastic. 

List of things to do for Europe: 

1. Buy Oxegen Tickets

2. Buy backpacks 

3. Buy video cameras and accessories

4. Get international student ID's

5. Get clubbing gear (skanky tube dresses and disco rave bikinis from American Apparel)

6. Start figuring out what I'm going to bring in the way of clothes and shoes.

Shit. I have way too many clothes and waaaaay too many shoes. This is an almost impossible task for me. I'm thinking comfy sneakers, trendy sneakers, sandal things, flats (at least 2 pairs, I mean, come on, at least 2!), and comfy heels. 

Trendy  rain boots will be bought upon entrance to the UK. 

Hah, see, I prattled on about shoes! Must always have something to ramble about...

3 more days of class, and 3 days of exams. 

One more week til Death Cab For Cutie Concert.

43 more days til Europe.

Cheers bitches!!!!

ps I find the random use of colors to make things all the more interesting, don't you?

I Salt and Pepper My Mango,

Not really, MIA quote, but I'm drinkin a mango smoothie at the moment...

So yeah. Depression continued through the weekend. I think it's all the extra stress contributing to it, but I've been a raging idiot. Basically all weekend. 

Friday, went Taco Macin' with Cassie, Braves and Red Sox won, got ignored by some other people tried to invite with us. Don't want to talk about it.

Went home, attempted to work my way through a bottle of wine, my 6th grade science teacher starts talkin to me on facebook, kinda weird, even though she was pretty cool. Talk to several other people too, make them feel better about shit, then the person who was ignoring me starts texting me, saying he wants me to come over, or he wants to come over and see me. Confused as hell, naturally this doesn't happen.

Next day, decide to give it a shot: get his number, call, leave a message saying I'm free after 8 if he wants to try hanging out that night. Never hear from him. 

Spend that night finishing my Dostoevsky paper, helping Cassie close the store so she didn't have to work after midnight (her birthday), go back to Regina's with her and watch Grey's Anatomy til 5AM. 

I don't like sleeping on that couch alone. It was unhappy. 

Next day, get up at 9:30, have to be at work at 11, convince myself I'm gonna be happy and normal and everything will work out great.

End up feeling like SHIT, have a cigarette, throw some dough at the wall (thanks Nick), attempt to say "you're acting like I've done something wrong, and its not cool, so if you've got a problem, say something about it, stop walking around, ignoring my presence and not even answering work related questions, and being normal to everyone else but me".

But I haven't been able to express myself to him for the past, what, 2 weeks? So that didn't actually turn out, so now I'm just never going to say anything to him again, and try not to think about what a dipshit I am. Even though that's pretty much all I can think about. He gave me every fucking opportunity to hang out, and I was too worried about not making him feel like shit, or not making myself feel like shit, to actually just say "no, I'm not doing anything after work, did you want to do something?" or just directly asking if he wanted to hang out.

But no. Whenever he said anything, I convinced myself he just wanted to use me for sex, and then an hour later, I felt bad, cause he never actually did anything to make me think that, and I'd try to apologize, while seeming uninterested. Because if I acted interested, I'm supposed to assume he wouldn't be interested anymore, cause that's what all girls are lead to believe.

WTF?

But yeah, once again, I completely fucked up something that actually would have been really nice. I'm such a fucking fail.

But after work, I actually have a fucking fantastic night: went to El Ranchero for Cassie's bday, Paul came, Jordan ended up showing up, they had an adorable/hilarious best friend reunion, and Paul was acting like his old self again. Cassie had a great time and got a ton of great house stuff, and we're still gonna surprise her with more when she actually moves in.

After all that, we got ice cream, hung out some more, and then every one went home or whatever, and Cass and I were still bored, so we call Jordan to see if he wants to have a silly string/water gun fight (Regina got her a huge back of fun things like that), so we go to his house, and it was fucking intense haha.

My  personal highlight was when I jumped from the porch railing to the trampoline, while firing 2 water guns at Tim. Everyone got fairly wet and messy. But it was the perfect ending to a semi-shitty day. 

Now I'm at school on the break (duh), drinkin my mango smoothie, still hating myself a little, and wishing I had just never opened my mouth to try and figure out what was going on. Should have just waited for him to bounce back or whatever. 

But no. This is why I'm going to die alone. And never get laid. 

FUCK MY LIFE.

cheers.

Natalie Portman's Shaved Head

...is the T-shirt I'm wearing today.

Well, despite the fact that I woke up intending to make yesterday awesome, I ended up ridiculously home sick (home sickness is always in reference to Gallery Row), and Donald was anti-social as fuck at work, which was probably the clincher in my decided mental state.

And then I had my math test.

Fuuuucccckkk.

Actually, it wasn't too bad. Think I managed a B. We'll see.

Was still feeling fairly shitty after that, and it was only about 7:15, and I didn't feel like I had friends, or at least, I felt like I couldn't talk to my normal friends, so I decide to go visit my friend Cole at work, cause he's always great to talk to about these things, and I hardly ever see him anymore.

But I get there, and the restaurant he works at was insanely busy, so he didn't have time.

I then made the executive decision I should have made to begin with: just go to the Carrolton store (the other Gallery Row).

Got some gas, said no to cigarettes (very proud of myself for that), and enjoyed a beautiful drive through country ass Georgia. 

Ashley, good friend I used to work with at my store, was working, and I met her huge, yet super nice, black friend Alex. Talked for about an hour about her life and her sluttiness (which has grown exponentially in the past 4 months, but she's adorable and I love her).

Got some free, DELICIOUS coffee too, that was major bonus.

On the drive home, there was some amazing lightning in the distance, and I had to make an emergency pit stop at Jets because I had a "massive whiz attack". 

Thank you to Justice for teaching me that phrase.

Then I got all giddy, because I was super happy again, and I told Cassie about my fantastic aversion to depression and whatnot.

Got home, research paper not due til Monday now. Yesssss!

And now I'm at school, chillin. Need to pee again.

**********RIDDLE RACHEL THIS:

Yesterday, I saw a car with a bumper sticker that said "Caution: Unsocialized Homeschoolers On Board".

I really am not sure whether or not it was a joke.

There were also several Jesus-esque stickies too.

Factor this into your calculations and GIVE ME ANSWERS!

Please.

Karina? Random stalkers?

KENT. I'm fucking worried about you. I know I have absolutely no say, but you should have rejected Grant rather than SweetPea. And stop taking cough syrup. That fucking stupid. And middle school. And don't fucking do acid. Jesus, just stick to weed.

48 more days til I leeeeave this country.

Mega-cheers.

Back to Normal and Content!

I promise.

hah, here we go-

Hardly got any sleep last night, but pulled a $67 tuesday night at work, nice, nice...

After dozing on and off til 5:07, flumped over and set my alarm back down to 8, rather than 7.

No Wednesday morning bike ride for me today, sorry legs.

Woke up for real and felt sickly. Decided to skip English to have a 2 hour block to finish my Dostoevsky paper (due on Friday), but spent the first hour conspiring with Garrett on Cassie's birthday pressie.

About 15 minutes out of that hour were spent looking at toasters alone.

Target has a Hello Kitty toaster for only $24.99, that not only has the adorable kitteh on the outside, but actually leaves an un-burnt imprint of her face ON YOUR TOAST.

This technology amazes me just as much as my ipod.

But not as much as that smart "color sensing" make up.

Thats just creepy, alien technology shit right there.

Anyways, decided after an hour of toaster/Ikea hunting and an hour of paper writing, that I should also skip French to spend a final hour finishing the bitch.

So I did, and now I'll just let it stew over night and check it over for the final time tomorrow.

Now I'm at a random coffee shop studying for shit.

I only have 6 more regular days of class left...that has NOT sunk it yet...but once I hit Finals week, it will and I will be THRILLED OFF MY ASS.

So I feel good about

a) finishing paper 

b) just finished studying for Stat test with Steph (alliteration!!!) for tomorrow, and I actually feel decent about it now

c) still minor sick feeling, but over all improvement from this morning

I'm the only one here now, except for the chick working behind the counter and the "owner" (I use quotes cause she does NOT know what she's doing) and from what I can tell, some one who did all the electrical and plumbing for this place.

They are in a heated debate over whether or not they've paid for everything, such as the finishing electrical fees and the water filter (espresso machines need a hardcore water filter).

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Here is a segment of Riddle Rachel this I will call: 

OWNING A COFFEE SHOP 101

here are the DON'TS:

1. pick a shitty, hidden location (big fracking DUR)

2. start trying to serve a full breakfast and lunch menu when you first open (high food costs you WON'T recover)

3. use the most expensive syrup/smoothie/machinery brands

4. use the most expensive brands, except for your beans, which you get from a personal roaster in a near by, po-dunky town.

OK, 2, 3, and 4 should all be GIVENS if 1 applies, until you can tell how you'll do.

I mean, this place looks super nice, and they have good customer service, but due to shitty drip coffee/shots, drinks aren't that great, and since they have a pretty sucky location (they're also right next door to a waffle house, which DEF takes away from their breakfast sales), 

I don't see them lasting much longer. I'm surprised they've made it since Christmas.

And apparently now they're having trouble paying bills from when they first opened. 

I feel bad, but come onnnn. 

Oh well, The End, I'll holla on Friday.

Dammit, no one reads this.

Why I Can't Bear to Listen to Prisca...

Its April 19th, which is the one year anniversary of the first day of the rest of my life.

The first Streetlight Manifesto concert Paul took me too.

That was the first day of what would become the greatest summer of my life.

Actually, the greatest time of my life, period. 

It's gone now.

Not all gone, but gone never the less.

Paul's never coming back to us. He's found what he believes to be bigger and better things.

The store is never coming back to us. It's still there, dead and empty, I see it every day- a constant reminder of the love that is used to represent. But it's just the empty shell: the soul's left it. 

I can't bear to listen to Prisca, even though I love her music.

I can't bear to because that CD became the soundtrack to the greatest moments of my life.

And to remember them now brings back so many good feelings, and it hurts me so much, so much because I can never go back. I can NEVER feel those things again.

And if I could, I would go back and do it all over again, just the way it was.

Even if he still never loved me back.

Even if she still lost her job.

Even if I still made some stupid mistakes.

And I can't believe it's almost been a whole year. 

I don't know whether I'm happy or sad that I won't be here hardly at all this summer.

Happy. I have to be happy. Because if I was to stay, I wouldn't be able to understand why things couldn't be the same.

Which is so horribly stupid and human, because I've already said why, and I know why, but its just not fair that it wouldn't be anywhere close to the same.

I will never have a better time in my life.

Being 18 and being able to do what I want, being 21 and being able to drink, getting everything I want and owning my store: never. 

And I can't bear to think about it.

Because each memory is so perfect, I wish I could just close my eyes and go through it all, and never have to go back to living in the real world ever again.

But it's just memories.

One day I'll be old and alone and I'll never remember them ever again.

"And when you close your eyes for the big sleep, I hope you think of me" actually won't happen.

But is that good? That I won't be able to look back, and enjoy and regret that best time of my life? Or is it the worst part of living?

I can't do this. I can't do this.

I don't know what I can do with my life. I know what I want, but I'm so afraid I'll fail. 

I can't have a family in some suburb and do some office job. I can't!

It's not who I'm supposed to be. I will NEVER settle for anything I know isn't me.

I hope one day, I can sit down and write about what happened last summer, my miracle. I don't know what good it would do, but it just seems like the world should know about all the good that was there.

I know this right here is a product of my depression, or at least, inspired by it, but God, I feel like this any and every time I go through these memories, and every time I hear these songs.

All I know, is that I know who I want to see standing there when I get to Heaven.

And if there is a Heaven, they'll be there.

If you want to hear some of the songs I'm talking about, look on myspace, its actually very good music.

Fuck. I Am Just Ridiculously Confused

Well, first things first: Lily was FANTASTIC.

She was skanky-ghetto-cute, and she had balloons, and bubbles.

Not many of either, but a few balloons bopping around was fun. When I have a show, I will have balloons.

Also, the band that opened for them, Natalie Portman's Shaved Head, was fairly awesome too.

They looked like they were all 16 though, but knowing my shitty age-dar, they were probably like 25. Never the less, I bought a T shirt. 

Kenny randomly showed up! Haha his gay friend from Atlanta Water Gardens was supposed to meet him there, but we couldn't find him. He ended up going out for a coffee with us afterwards, basically we freaked Karina and her little sister out talking about Pickles TheFrog and Marleny and Russian D-bags. 

Highlights of the concert had to be the skanky-ghetto-cuteness, Lil calling out some idiot that was smoking a joint, pulling off smoking about 4 cigarettes in a 15 minute period, while singing, and the awesome picture and short awesome video I took. 

Next day, which was yesterday, I had a 6 hour shift with Donald, who, as previously stated, hasn't really given me much positive feedback. 

But I straight up asked him what was up when I first got there, cause I wasn't going to do the thing where we go through the entire day not talking or whatever.

Le facts: he actually deleted his whole myspace, not my fault. I also sounded like a complete idiot (no, really, I don't think he understood anything of what I was trying to say) when I tried said we're still friends right?, and then went back a couple hours later, trying to express the fact that I didn't mean to completely shut him down with the "friend" comment, because if he wanted to be anything else, it was really entirely up to him, because I'm leaving in 2 months, and also I did promise we'd do something sober. But basically, I'm pretty sure I'm just an idiot.

Jordan stopped by the store though before driving up to Indiana to play a show with Defiance Ohio. I've decided he's my new best friend because he gives me hugs whenever he sees me now, which is quite a step for him.

I use my 11 o'clock break from class usually to update this blog for a bit, and when I first say down today, this random old guy 

came up to me and said, to some affect, even though I can't remember the exact wording:

"Excuse me, I've only seen you twice before, but I would just like to say that you are unique. You have that knock out, hollywood type of beauty, and you shouldn't just give yourself away, and I just figured some one should tell you that."

And I suppose he's right: someone 

should tell everyone that. 

Or you end up like me most of the time- constantly settling, and not always in the same area, just going into something knowing its not actually right, for whatever reason, and then, the only way out is too make the other person feel like shit, whether you want to or not. And I never want to. I'm just an idiot and I need to stop. 

Anyways, goddamn, I wish it was fall so I could feel the air. 

Here are some Lily pictures.

You're Smelling Generic Nowadays...

Man I don't get people.

And I don't get what I do to them either! Fuck! 

OK. 

In all honesty, I know I must be over reacting, to stupid things, because really? There's no way Mar deleted her Twitter just because I asked her if she was OK because she was posting things about sleeping on park benches, hating Japan, and being sick. It's probably because there's some issue going on with her friends over there and she's trying to get out of it.

There's also no way that Donald unfriended me on myspace just because we hooked up. Because I haven't talked to him since then, I haven't seen him. Something just probably happened, like he deleted it for some random reason, or computer fucked up, or something. 

Even though I know I can't have caused all this, its stilling BOTHERING me.

I mean, Mar's thing is more easily justifiable, but the Donald thing is bothering me quite a bit. I mean. He scheduled me to work with him for 6 hours tomorrow. So we'll talk about SOMETHING. 

This is all so stupid. 

But I'm leaving in less than 2 months now. Only 8 more weeks. Which is 56 days. 

WHICH IS CRAZY!!!

Time is flying by already, we're going to be leaving so fucking soon!

ALSO: Jordan's back! And when he realized he'd missed my birthday, he legitimately freaked out and apologized. I then informed him he is a better friend than Paul.

Who by the way was apparently in town all weekend. And just didn't tell any one. 

I invited him to make-up birthday bash Saturday, no reply. 

Fuck it.

I FOUND MY iPOD YESTERDAY! Yesssssssssssssss.

And Lily Allen tonight! Yesssssssss.

Oh, I went to the bike shop and got air in my tires, so I'm starting to get in shape again. 

So far I suck. I decided to ride home from the shop, because in theory it should be like a 10-15 min bike ride.

Not. I had to walk the last mile and I basically died. I'm surprised I didn't hurl. 

But I woke up at 7 this morning (ridiculous for me) and went for a short ride, then had some tea and toast and watched Kristin Chenoweth on Good Morning America. 

I love her, she's precious, even with her fantastically high pitched, cheery voice.

Well, unfortunately, I'm at school, and I have to go to class, and I'd rather bum around and blog about nonsense some more, but I'm gonna go.

Cheers skank-a-lanks

Why Do Wednesdays Rock So Hard?

It seems like Wednesdays are always great.

For instance, this Wednesday, I'm getting totally psyched for LILY ALLEN!

Which I totally forgot about until like Saturday.

Also, its in Little 5, which means I'll get to go to the record store and buy cheap used CD's, which I've been looking forward to for quite some time.

I'm listening to bits of Lil's new CD at the moment. She's fantastic at lyrics, and the music's always catchy as hell. 

And she's English. 

We should be friends. No, really, gonna try and meet her if possible =)

Speaking of fantastic British things, 

THE DOCTOR WHO EASTER SPECIAL WAS ON YESTERDAY!!!

Now THAT was the best birthday present ever hahaha.

Ooooooh I hope they're filming a special over the summer, I simple CANNOT wait to go to Cardiff!!!!!

At the same time though, only 3 more specials, and David Tennant is gone ='(

Although I haven't seen all the Doctor's over the past few decades, he will always be my Doctor.

If you've never seen that show, you should. 

It's really absolutely everything I've ever wanted in a tv show. 

Anyways, that's all loves,

hmmm, lets find a random picture to be amusing... Ah ha! Video! Of the amazing storm that hit right before my Friday night adventure began. It was absolutely breathtaking in person, but this is cool too. Enjoy, pip pip!

NOT!

Um. 

Wow.

My night did a COMPLETE fucking 180 after that last post.

After hiding in basement from possible tornado,

went to Waffle House with Cass, for what I thought would just be a quick mean and then quiet, lame night at home.

No way.

I have to try and just sum this shit up, cause it was CRAZY.

Waffle House: eat, text some friends from work to come meet us later.

After waiting, we decide to go Wal-Marting.

Go back, sit in Wa Ho parking lot waiting for friends, who eventually say they can't come. 

We're about to just head home when we drive by Taco Mac and see there's still a lot of people.

Go there, Cassie gets a beer, we're watching the Braves game, which was still in the 6th inning at midnight cause of weather, and Justice and Donald show up.

Chill with them til a little after 1, decide we should all crash at Regina's cause Cassie's staying there, and Regina was gonna be out all night and wouldn't care any ways.

First, go back to Wa Ho so THEY can eat, Cassie gets the waitress to bring me a birthday waffle, we chill, then we drive back to Reginas.

Keep in mind, Cass has had 4 beers, Donald about the same, and Justice 2. Justice and I are driving, cause C and D both have DUI records and they would go to jail if they got pulled over. Also, we had a 6 pack in our back seat.

Well.

I get fucking pulled over. 

But the cop was really nice, and we had old school Avril Lavigne on and acted polite and innocent, and he let me off with a warning for "failure to stay in the lines" or something, cause I was texting and I guess drifting a little?

So we were shaking like fucking mad, but soooo fucking relieved. You have no idea.

Meet back up w/ the guys, finally get to Regina's and then proceed to spend the next 4 ish hours looking for cards, then playing card games, then talking about shit, then talking in random accents to fuck with Cassie.

Oh, also some random cat showed up Cassie had never seen before, but it was a nice cat, so we named him Rufus and he stayed with us the whole time.

Except he attacked me when I started dancing to "Whip It".

Ended up having a small snuggle-fest with Donald, for the 4 hours I drifted to sleep on and off.

So yeah. Not sure what's gonna happen with all that. But he's cool, I'm leaving in 2 months anyways, so whatever.

All in all,

WAAAAAY fucking better than I ever could have imagined last night. I officially dub it an adventure.

Holla =)

(no seriously, if you don't, how do I know you're reading shit? And then what's the point?)

Loathsome

The Rachel and Garrett birthday bash got postponed til next week end due to shitty weather.

My ipod's been missing for over a week now. Nooooot happy.

I hate myself for being a hypocrite about the things I want!

Why on earth do I still have the Weather Channel on? The music's nice and relaxing though. 

I'm so fucking bored and unhappy right now I might go get my cartlidge pierced. 

Just might. Mmhmm. 

Fuck. Its 6:17 on a Friday and I'm already in my pajama pants eating jelly beans looking for shit to do on the computer and watching TV.

What I'd like to do is learn "40 oz to Freedom" on the guitar. And "I am Like John Cusak".

Maybe later.

You know whats the worst part about all of this? No one fucking cares if I'm upset about anything, or if I'm hating life a little bit, because everyone I know has way worse problems than me. Clinical Depression is a fucking bitch that way.

On the one bright spot in a stormy, tornado-infested day, Jordan called me to tell me about tour and say hi. Apparently almost everyone's a straight edge vegan. And New Hampshire sucks a little. I knew it (the NH bit, the vegan bit was weird).

Also, Bomb! is coming to ATL right after exams are finished. 

And I have Lily Allen next Wednesday.

And Streetlight's playing at American University (my cousin's school) on the 19. 

FUCK MY LIFE.

Cause now I'm gonna miss them on Warped Tour too, cause I'll be in EU.

If the 19th wasn't a Sunday, you KNOW I would be taking a weekend trip back to DC.

But it's a Sunday, and I shouldn't miss any more class. 

Yep. Thats what's making shit suck right now. Stupid and trivial, right?

Mostly just bored.

And no one cares

new number, same deal

Well, numerically I'm one year older now. Huzzah?

Not much has really changed though, so I'm not terribly thrilled. Now I can just seem slightly more important when people first meet me and pass judgements.

Anyways, can't complain about the actual day itself (the 8th), it was fun, ate good food. 

Basically all I did was go to Lenox with Cassie to buy the sunglasses for Garrett's birthday (all the Gallery Ho's always chip in and do a bad ass birthday present/party). Our original budget was $50-70, buuuuut....we ended up getting him some $99 Ray Ban aviators. 

Which I know he'll fucking love.

Also, we got a free pair, so I have some new glasses too. Not Ray Bans though, Fossil.

And that was pretty much that. 

Paul disappointed everyone, yet again, because he "lost his phone". We were supposed to stop by and have him sign the card and give us money for the glasses, because he can't make it to our party (we're having a combine bday thing for me and G tonight) because he has to go to some formal for his frat. 

Whatever. He doesn't answer messages online anymore either. And he didn't say happy birthday to me on any medium. Which I know isn't really the biggest deal, because it really is just a day in the grand scheme of things, but still: he's one of the people I would have expected a "happy birthday" message from. Especially since we all made it a point to do something really special for his birthday last year.

I wasn't even going to bother, but Cassie made me text him last night to see if he wanted to meet up and sign the card today, since I was supposed to be going to GA Tech to get an international student ID today anyways.

So I just said "hey...i'm gonna be by gsu tomorrow if you want to sign garretts bday card. i know you're probably too busy, but thought i'd ask"

He actually responded by saying "dude def let me know. i wasnt able to call you back in time last time cause i lost my phone for a day"

So whatever. He's fucking alienating us and all his other old friends because of his fucking frat and his fucking sorority girl friend. Not like we didn't see it coming. 

I'm not saying he shouldn't do something that makes him happy, but why can't he do that and still keep us too?

It just sucks though. I don't know how he didn't realize everyone loved who he was last year. He didn't have to go get "40 of the best friends he'll ever have", I mean, wow, what the fuck were we? Thanks man. 

I mean, I know he still cares in a way, he still acts like an overprotective big brother when he's around.

But he's not really around much anymore, and I'm going to get tattoos and I smoke shit sometimes, he can go suck it if he doesn't like it.

Fuck. I hate ranting about Paul. 

We'll still have fun with out him tonight. Which reminds me...I'm supposed to be looking up Hookah bars...

2 MORE MONTHS UNTIL 2 MONTHS IN EUROPE!!!

holla fuckin back yo 

=)

OH MY GOD...

... I am going to be in Europe,

FOR 2 MONTHS!!!!!!!

It's done, it's officially booked!

June 10th-August 5th.

for $733 round trip.

This is too fracking ridiculous for me to grasp right now.

It's going to be amazing.

Of course, it means no J-pan...but I can save that for next summer after I take a years worth of class on it, and it'll probably be more meaningful then.

But the video diary is still most DEFINITELY going to happen.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Needless to say, I had a ridiculously good day yesterday. 

Booked my ticket, had fun at work, partied with some close friends.

I've reached the point where I can't taste the alcohol in beer. 

I mean, I can still taste it, but it just doesn't bother me in the slightest, just tastes like a normal drink. I'd say thats probably not good, but it actually is: I cannot appear to be a lightweight by European standards. 

You know what? No one's alright. No one's ok. Everyone has SOMETHING shitty going on. 

It varies in degrees of shittiness, and it number, but never the less. 

There is no perfect life.  

So we'd all best hope "as good as it gets" get pretty fucking good. 

Ugh, tired, was up til 6, woke up at 11, worked a 7 hour shift, had some bitch yell at me over the phone, had some kind of flirtfest with Donald, I can't break dance, about to eat some pasta.

2 months. 

Wtf.

I think that's all I got right now.

3 more days til my birthday.

66 more days til I can run across the world.

WORD

It never seems to Get Warmer, no matter how far south you go

Just laying here listening to Bomb. 

Its occurred to me, just now, maybe I should try and find some one who loves Streetlight and Bomb and has a good sense of humor that ISNT an asshole. Loving Doctor Who too is clearly too much to hope for.

Cause haven't I basically found 3 consecutive assholes like that? 

Pretty much.

I'd like to just open my eyes and find my self in a movie. Then life would automatically have a point; a solid script.

"I'm really more than just quite a bit bored with myself...

cause I'm getting, too carried away with the bullshit,

of leaving today".

Ooooh but I wish I could leave soon. That's what I need. I've exhausted all the resources in this stupid bubble (Peachtree City). Its turning on me and making me leave.

Besides all that, these next 6 months, half a year, should fly by. I'll be running across the world.

Practically circumnavigating, to be honest, as long as I make it to Japan.

Maybe that'll put some shit in perspective? Show me what to do?

If not I'll just be drunk the whole time, won't I?

This is dismal. Dismality?

Shitfuck. 

The End, Cheers