Magic

Tonight, this is what I'm certain of:

I sat relaxed with my hands positioned behind my head in a relatively beat up Toyota Celica, in an apartment complex parking lot, with the smell of old car and fresh rain mixing together, waiting for my friend to come back from his delivery, and I felt genuinely happy.

Not just a fleeting, or standard sort of happy when things aren't so bad so you can't complain, but an honest, real happy where it doesn't matter what the point of the world is: that moment is enough to dwell on and last forever.

It felt like last summer; everything was perfect again, the world was rotating as it should.

Just driving around, or rather, being driven, which NEVER happens to me. I'm always the driver with all my friends, and normally I'm mildly uncomfortable when other people drive, but I just didn't care, sort of...at peace I guess.

Just diving around while he dropped off pizzas, talking about music, and cereal, and shit, I didn't have to worry about anything. 

I guess it mostly reminded me of the first night I drove with Cassie to Carrolton, which really marked the beginning of the best summer of my life.

And I was just happy. Even more so than I've been the past couple days, which is still baffling me, but I'm perfectly ok with it. 

Jordan will definitely be one of those unforgettable people in my life, even though I hope we stay friends and there's no chance of him being forgotten. He's probably on the same level as the Gallery Ho's haha.

Anyways, just couldn't let this feeling pass without writing about it.

I'm almost wondering if its because in my eyes, having that cigarette was hitting rock bottom for me, and now that I've had it, I realize that I will never get any worse, and if thats my worst, I can deal with that: it can only get better, so why not let it just get better? 

Hah, maybe that cigarette was the best thing that ever happened.

Or tonight was just magic.

I like it either way.

holla