Happiness is a Fake Boob

I don't even know whats up. 

I guess I'll just give some advice. Take it or leave it.

1. Never go to the Atlanta venue entitled "Thundercoot". Its complete bullshit.

2. You can't actually change people. You can only try to make someone's time a little better.

3. Have more than 2 pieces of advice in your head before you commit to making a list of advice.

I haven't written in a while. Mostly I've been busy trying to spend as much time with Marleny as possible before she goes back to Japan.

I've also managed to hang out with Jordan a little before he leaves to go on tour. 

They both leave this Thursday. I guess its the day to leave.

HERE'S A SUPER POSITIVE NOTE!!!!

I have about $1,540 saved up as of now for Europe, and its steadily increasing. 

Sooo... considering that I've found some truly AMAZING student fares to Europe, I have decided I'm going to pay for all of Europe, if my parents will pay for airfare to Japan.

And my mom has agreed to this. 

I'M GOING TO EUROPE AND JAPAN THIS SUMMER, BITCHEEEEEEES!!!!!

I'm going to gain sooo much weight in Japan! Its gonna be a nonstop eating/karaoke frenzy.

Just so you know, my lack of viewing confederation, I'm going to have some sort of podcast/ video blog/diary/segment thing of all my travels.

There's going to be multiple episodes from:

-Switzerland, France, The UK

-Osaka

-Washington DC

-Boston

-some other US cities Lars and I will visit on our pre-graduation road trip

Also, fake boobs.

Marleny got some fake boobs in Chinatown, and they have been the highlight of the past 2 weeks. If you ever see any for sale, BUY THEM.

It will be worth it. Everyone will love you. 

Here's her with the fake boobs before we tried to freak out the staff at Jets.

Apparently, I am like John Cusak

We Are The Union- "I'm Like John Cusak In The Way That I'm Holding A Boom Box Outside Your Window, Telling You To Fuck Off"

been a while since I thought about you,

I was so young and stupid then,

stuck with my head between my hands, stuck with my head between my hands

but these days everything reminds me,

of the times that I regret

I wish I could forget the past, I wish I could forget

I would never lie to you

I would never lie to you

Its nice to know that you don't feel the same way,

feel the way I do.

I tried to set the record straight,

It was too little and too late

those words you spoke just cut right through

all I ever wanted, was someone to acknowledge me,

but now I know the truth,

that I don't exist to you

since I guess it would kill to call me,

or pretend to even care

I'll drown myself in a new scene, I'll drown myself in a new scene

this is my moving on with out you,

this is the last time I'll be there

I know you never loved me, I know you never loved me

I would never lie to you

I would never lie to you

Its nice to know that you don't feel the same way,

feel the way I do

I tried to set the record straight, 

it was too little and too late,

those words you spoke just cut right through

all I ever wanted, was someone to acknowledge me,

but know I know the truth,

that I don't exist to you

and every time I think about you,

I think about how I am nothing!

and every time I think about you,

I think about how I am nothing!

This is a fantastic song that I've recently discovered. I suggest listening to it.

Its skacore, which is frankly, one of the best ideas EVER.

Definitely describes what I've been feeling for almost the last year.

Man, things are looking up.

I'm not going to worry so much, and I'm not going to care so much about what I'm "supposed to do", and if I want to sail around the world, I'll do it. But mostly, if I want to open a coffee shop, I'm DEFINITELY gonna do it. 

And I don't care what you think =D

go listen to that song, skanks that don't read this.

cheeeeers!

Blehhh...?

My job is seriously reaching a new level of

WHAT THE FLYING FUCK.

I need a new one. Really. Really. Badly.

help?

I can't wait to own my own store. 

Can't say that enough.

My birthday's in 17 days.

I need to buy my plane tickets for Europe.

I can hardly move my neck with out it hurting, and for some reason my feet have been cramping really hardcore.

Maybe my body's channeling my stress to my feet now, so my spine doesn't explode.

Why are people such fucking jerks? If you're a jerk, stop it. You're ruining the world. 

You are a detriment to our fucking planet, you should fall into tar pit and get eaten by fossilized piranhas.

Also, if some dipshit's being a jerk to you, don't spread it to other people; have the mindset that by being nicer to others than he was to you, 

you're better then him!!!

Really.

That's all, just tired and a little angry.

The Best Present Japan Could Have Given Me!

Holy Shit.

So Garretts big important thing he had to tell us wednesday night was actually a total cover up so he could surprise us.

He opened his trunk and Marleny jumped out.

BEST SURPRISE EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Totally made up for the fact that before hand I had a huge fight with parents, had to find my spare car key, and leave the house before I fucking exploded and launched into a panic attack.

Then I smoked 2 cigarettes and drove around with Jordan and company for a little bit.

Turns out I didn't actually have a reason to worry about G having AIDS or something, so once again, feel extremely guilty about the cigarettes, especially cause Paul was calling and texting me while I was doing something he made me promise never to do with his best friend/nemesis, Jordan. 

But mostly I was just amused at the terrible irony. 

So at the moment, I am excruciatingly bored. 

Lars wanted to skip today, but she's hangin out with other people, and I'm waiting to meet up with Marleny in like 20 minutes.

This morning I walked around a lake, and then sat and watched some weird ducks. I've never seen ducks like them before, but they were highly amusing. They kept diving, but they would stay underwater for like 15 seconds, and then pop up. 

Now I'm in a parking lot mooching off some wifi, but my battery's gonna die soon...

But I had to write something about Mar being home. 

This really has been like the best week ever. Best week in a long time.

It really almost was like the summer again.

We all haven't been together like that in at least 7 months. Crazy.

Hope life's treating you splendidly too.

Cheers

Rachel's Minor Accomplishments

Some things I'm proud of today (in its intended technicolor glory):

1. I got up at 10.

2. I bought a 100% cashmere sweater at Bloomingdale's today for $21. I have waited YEARS to walk out of that store with a simple, yet posh, Medium Brown Bag, and today I did- for much cheaper than I ever could have imagined!

3. I ate reasonably healthy.

4. I got $167 back in my account after returning a dress.

5. I discovered 2 people I know who are also going to Georgia State in the fall.

6. I discovered that there is a diner across from The Rialto that is basically a legit diner: it had matzoh ball soup, latkes, and an excellent reuben on the menu. However, it still is too good to be true, because the chicken noodle soup was more Campbells than Kosher. There is just a certain type of deliciousness that I guess can only be found in a real New York diner. 

7. I survived 2 tedious car rides with my mother.

8. I kept this post short! (yesssss!)

p.s. HAPPY ST. GUINESS DAY!!!

Magic

Tonight, this is what I'm certain of:

I sat relaxed with my hands positioned behind my head in a relatively beat up Toyota Celica, in an apartment complex parking lot, with the smell of old car and fresh rain mixing together, waiting for my friend to come back from his delivery, and I felt genuinely happy.

Not just a fleeting, or standard sort of happy when things aren't so bad so you can't complain, but an honest, real happy where it doesn't matter what the point of the world is: that moment is enough to dwell on and last forever.

It felt like last summer; everything was perfect again, the world was rotating as it should.

Just driving around, or rather, being driven, which NEVER happens to me. I'm always the driver with all my friends, and normally I'm mildly uncomfortable when other people drive, but I just didn't care, sort of...at peace I guess.

Just diving around while he dropped off pizzas, talking about music, and cereal, and shit, I didn't have to worry about anything. 

I guess it mostly reminded me of the first night I drove with Cassie to Carrolton, which really marked the beginning of the best summer of my life.

And I was just happy. Even more so than I've been the past couple days, which is still baffling me, but I'm perfectly ok with it. 

Jordan will definitely be one of those unforgettable people in my life, even though I hope we stay friends and there's no chance of him being forgotten. He's probably on the same level as the Gallery Ho's haha.

Anyways, just couldn't let this feeling pass without writing about it.

I'm almost wondering if its because in my eyes, having that cigarette was hitting rock bottom for me, and now that I've had it, I realize that I will never get any worse, and if thats my worst, I can deal with that: it can only get better, so why not let it just get better? 

Hah, maybe that cigarette was the best thing that ever happened.

Or tonight was just magic.

I like it either way.

holla

I Wore A Pink Shirt Today

And that doesn't happen very often, as I only have 2 pink shirts. 

(Couldn't think of a good title)

So I think yesterday I was supposed to sink into my usual spurt of depression, 

because yesterday I smoked my first cigarette. 

Maybe it's a little ridiculous to put so much importance on something so small, but that was the one thing I have sworn I would never do, since I was probably in kindergarden.

I've come really close, but I've never actually followed through. 

Except yesterday, my boss made me try painting something in our store window, and I kept messing it up, and I was just in that state of mind where it felt like everything I did was a failure, and a disappointment, that I guess something inside of me snapped, and I lost any speck of self respect I'd held on to.

It's as if I felt like I'd been such a disappointment in every other area of my life, maybe I could actually succeed at one thing: being a disappointment.

So I asked Donald for a cigarette and a lighter, and he was literally shocked, because everyone there knows I don't smoke. He actually almost didn't let me, which was almost nice, like he cared.

But never the less, I sat outside, in the rain, taking a second to figure out which end to light, and yeah, smoked the bloody thing. 

I really couldn't deal with myself for the next couple hours, the usual feelings of loneliness, failure, only a little more so.

But the WEIRD thing was, a couple hours later, I was completely cheered up, thanks to Cassie, Donald, Regina, and the other awesome people I work with.

And it wasn't one of those momentary lapses of depression cheer ups, it actually jerked me out of it.

Right after I left work, I went to a play that all my former theatre friends were in, which I thought would make me feel like super shit, cause a year ago I realized I would never be an actor and gave up.

But instead, I was overwhelmed with pride for all of them; people I had reached for the same goals with, achieving where I failed. But I didn't get upset, I was just so happy for them.

And then today, STILL happy.

Lars and I went downtown, got coffee, then drove around trying to find a Whole Foods, and eventually did some food shopping. It was a great day. 2 days in a row. When it should have been 2 days of self-loathing. 

So I'm watching Hitch, and he's saying all this business about how all women really want when they wake up everyday is for someone to come along and sweep them off their feet, and that all guys want to do that, they just don't know how. 

Fuck that, I can count on one hand the number of times I've seen a guy do that to me or anyone I know.

Listen, alls I'm sayin is this: more guys SHOULD try to do that. Because really, even if you seem kinda weird, if you're actually making an effort, or doing something really sweet, or cute (even though guys tend to hate being cute, suck it up: you are, we enjoy it), or crazy/out there, we will be waaay more inclined to give you a chance, and we will definitely remember you.

Damn, that was a horrendous run-on sentence. 

I'm a mess. But at least I'm happy =D