Saturday, May 16, 2009

4 O'clock in the Morning

It occurred to me, as I was driving on the back roads of the boondocks, that I had never before been driving anywhere at 4:00 am. 
Why was I doing so now?
After closing the store, I sat in a wet field behind a church and talked to Craig (friend from Carrollton) about various things, including as brief a summary as possible about the absurdly unbelievable goings-on at Jets. Needless to say, it was good to get that off my chest.
I haven't known Craig very long, but he's one of those people I feel like I've known forever, and it was very comforting. 
Somewhere in our talk, I brought up how I had virtually no self-esteem, and how I used to easily sink into episodes of depression and envision myself failing and giving up to settle down with some man and having kids and having some sort of office job, constantly, secretly hating my life.
He was completely shocked and said "Really? I didn't get that kind of vibe from you at all..."
And then I thought about it, and he was actually right: I don't really act like that anymore, because I don't really think that way anymore.
For a little while now, I've felt different to myself, even looked a bit different, and I wasn't entirely sure what it was. 
But I'm quite confident its because:
A) I've learned that I have to accept that I can't actually change a person-I can only try to make any time they have here a little bit better.
B) I've come to the realization that in reality, the human race was a lucky mistake, but a mistake none the less, so we really have no real point to existing. But because we're lucky enough that we do get to have a life, we have to stop trying to discover what humanity means to the world, but just discover what humanity means to us. 
C) You only get one chance to do any of this, so what the fuck is keeping you from trying anything and everything you want? There still are reasonable boundaries, but stop being afraid or consequences and rejection all the time.
Due to my newly bolstered self-confidence and sense of adventure, I've been able to experience more things, and make new friends, like Craig, and some members of Bomb.
Yep. The show was utterly fantastic. 
In short, I ended up driving Jordan, Matt, Greg, Tim, and Jack, all in my car, to the show. 
Took 2 hours because we accidently did a loop around l5p, then passed the road we were supposed to turn onto with out realizing it.
When we finally got there, there were 3 bands before BTMI, but most of that time was spent talking to Mike, who is their drummer, and who coincidently works in Planeview on Long Island. He was extremely nice, and we're legitimately friends now. I also had a long conversation with John, the bass player, who also played drums for Shinobu when they were in PTC. We were probably the 2 biggest fans of that band in Georgia at that exact moment. (If you haven't gathered by now, you should go listen to them!)
I gave Jeff (THE guy) a $20 donation (they have a donation based record label online), and he thought it was awesome, but he gave me 2 actual CD's for it too, and a couple hugs.
They all like hugs. They are "a very cuddly band," and I believe this. 
Jordan got to play sax with them for one song, and I am so proud/happy for him. He was really drunk and had only been playing for about 2 weeks, but he pulled it together.
We left, telling Jeff and Mike we'd all for sure be going to their show in Athens the following Wednesday, and I'd bake them some cookies. 
All in all, tremendously terrific night. 
Another smidgen of news: next week is officially my last week at Jets, and it feels soooo good. 
Business plans for Simple Brew are still going on, but Cassie's starting to think it will take longer than 3 months to get it open, which I agree on. But unless it costs like $300 to change flights, I'll still be coming home early. There will still be much work to be done. 
And now it's about 5 o'clock in the morning.
But I needed to do this; I've been letting myself fall behind miserable!
Good Night, one and all.

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