Getting Back To Things....

Sorry it's been a while.

I guess I'm apologizing more to myself than to anyone else, for once again failing to commit to anything.

I can't complain too much, things have been good so far this year,

Cassie has a great job and a great place to live,

Andy should be getting engaged any day now,

Lars and such are making progress in life as a whole,

I'm friends with Zach again, which is very nice and a pleasant surprise.

But I think I've somehow buried myself in so many little instances of not being able to speak up for myself, or not being exactly who I want my self to be, and I've come to a conclusion.

I might have reached the point in all the little relationships I've fumbled, where I need to leave this place, start over sort of.

I don't want to get rid of everybody and everything, just the smaller things.

This morning, I was putting gas in my car, and for some reason, I just wanted so badly to be at La Guardia. I can picture myself with my back pack on , walking by baggage claim, out to the street. The sidewalk always sparkled way too intensely for sidewalk, and there's that light green windy pumpkin fence, and the noise of cars and planes, and the smell of New York. 

I miss that smell.

I still associate New York with so many good things, so even if they don't exist anymore, the good feelings still do. Maybe I am thinking that by being closer to the feelings, I'll feel them better?

It's probably not true.

On the morning of October 1st, Paul and I stood at security at Hartsfield-Jackson and watched Marleny walk away for the last time for a year, and while we were both trying not to be sad, he said "let's go to New York".

And I have thought about it ever since, and I will take him up on that as soon as I can.

Which as of yesterday, is exactly 2 months.

In the meantime, I am listening to Laura Stevenson.