Tuesday, June 9, 2009

This Is Me.

"breaking and changing...everything is always falling apart! everything is always falling apart!"
I feel awkward that I listen to and quote Bomb The Music Industry, and now ASOB, a lot. Rarely do I quote or recommend anything else to people anymore, except for Shinobu, Streetlight, or [spunge]. Bands with names starting with S or B are always the best, somehow.
Why I feel awkward I think I discussed in last blog, which was horribly long ago.
But its not because I'm good friends with Mike: its just that Bomb is how I've felt all year, especially now, and I've realized that the majority of ASOB describes the Kate half of the worst 2 weeks of my entire life last November.
Some guy found a kitten in the parking lot of my coffee shop last week, and I immediately said I'd take her and find her a home. 
Long story short, absolutely fell in love with her (her name is Mehphisto, because the song "Down, Down, Down to Mehphisto's Cafe" was playing when he brought her in), and I became her mommy.
Its funny how you can get so attached to something in 3 days, but I ended up giving her to a great home. The night before, I really was not taking it well, and somehow, that happened to be the night Mike actually had time to be online, so we talked for quite a while, and it was really nice-definitely cheered me the fuck up.
Can't wait for New York even more.
Whats fucked up is the fact that I'm going to Europe in 2 days, more like 1 day now, and I'm still more psyched about New York.
Besides the fact that I know it'll be seriously fun, I'll finally be able to get the closure I've needed for the past 3 years. 
Moving on...
So I've managed to have a couple really awesome times thus far into the summer. Don't really feel like going into details now. 
Been actually working a lot on writing some songs to send to Mike, who told me to send him some guitar/vocal tracks through Garage Band, he'd add drums, and we could finalize it on Pro Tools when I get out to LI.
I've written some music I enjoy, and I've finally come up with some lyrics that actually feel real, as in they're expressing what I need them to, so that I can feel better about shit thats been inside of me too long and I haven't been able to really express. Problem is, none of it seems to match up. Which is always my problem. And now I'm leaving in a day and a half, basically, so except for lyrics and possibly putting up with Garage Band nonsense, nothings happening til I get home.
Besides that, went out and had a farewell dinner with Cassie, Andy, and Ryan, since Paul and Garrett bailed last minute (are you surprised? you shouldn't be), came home, gave McCabe his giant goody bag of booze and water to take to Bonnaroo. Am I putting enough n's and r's in there? Eh, fuck it, don't care. 
But yeah. So now I was just laying on my bed, talking to my super drunk and super still distraught over his last girlfriend friend Kenny, listening to the album Album Minus Band, the song "Future 86", and it made me want to write shit out. 
So I'm just laying here, waiting til everyone goes to bed so I can slip out side and take the 24 cans of Pabst Blue Ribbon out from under my car where I hid them earlier, so I can put them in the basement til I get home and get a chance to use them. Come Home Party, eh?
I have to wake up by at least 7 tomorrow, because I have orientation at my new school at like 8 or something. 
See? I don't even really know. Id rather just dick around and talk to people online than either make sure all my shit for school's in order, OR FUCKING PACK, or watch the travel DVD I borrowed on France and Belgium, OR FUCKING PACK, or get the most sleep I can get in the next 6 hours, OR FUCKING PACK. 
My mom acting pissed off at me all week for no reason really gets me down whenever I'm home. That and the fact that even though this ridiculous number of guys are interested in me, I can't seem to be attracted to any of them like that very much. 
"got a lot of shit in my head, you know we got to pull together, cause its not gonna stop til we're dead."
I really need someone. I need someone bad. I need a serious partner to go through life with for a while. Not like marriage, just a steady relationship for a while. But clearly I haven't found that person yet. But who knows? Some sexy Scottish guy might sweep me off my feet. Right? Right.
Ok.
No one cares, anymore or ever.
Oh, the Euromentary blog shebang is like wordpress.com/Runningacrosstheworld. Maybe. I'm not really sure how the address goes. But just go to wordpress.com and the name is Runningacrosstheworld. Seemed like it worked. 
Nothing up yet of course, but there will be. 
Since I leave in about one and a half days. 
And I need to FUCKING PACK.
Good night. 
[if there are spelling errors, I could really care less]

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