Hell

Tonight, I went through a lot of unnecessary pain.

• I was betrayed by a close friend, something I never thought they were capable of,
• I had to, and still have to, worry about another very close friend who was affected worse than me,
• I was forced to face yet again, that this is the year when everyone seems to be leaving...and the only place that truly feels like home to me, will no longer be home in a couple months. I can only hope the people that made it home, will come back and stay together.
• I faced, and finally broke down over, how messed up my dog has been, and how messed up she's going to be for a while. I'm grateful she's at least alive though.
• What started out as talking to my mom about how I felt about my dog, my dad came in, and they ended up doing the thing where they attack me about every aspect of my life and make me feel inferior and constricted. This time it lasted almost 3 hours.
• I have been shaking uncontrollably since about 5:00, and was crying intensely for the past 4 hours. 

The only bright point was being able to go talk to my dad alone, and tell him about what this former friend did, which I found out he already knew. I was still shaking the whole time. It was probably one of the best talks we've ever had, and my chest isn't hurting anymore.

I also found out my mom knows too. I feel so bad about that, because she was upset enough about my dog. She didn't need any extra stress, not now anyways. But she's been handling it surprisingly well, so I might be ok. For now at least.

I made this as undetailed as I possibly could, but it still turned out long. Oh well. It was worth writing, if for no other purpose than to make me feel a little better.

On a completely different foot, I tried dying my hair this afternoon with Lars, and L'OREAL dye SUCKS BALLS. It hardly did anything. So don't be looking for a radical hair change. It didn't happen. We had fun though. And then hell happened. But you already know about that.

I have my first physical therapy session tomorrow. And my dad's gonna take me car in to get...well, it probably needs ALOT of stuff done to it, but anyways, at least that's finally gonna get done. 

"And when you wake up, everything is gonna be fine. I guarantee that you'll wake in a better place, and a better time."

I love that. Its so true.

hope life is good for you,

Rachel